Joker....joker and joker....

"My mother asked me to smile and put a happy face and to have a purpose in life""

In the words of one of my best buddy"Divastatingly brilliant and haunting  movie of all times occupied the most coveted space of me.. the soul!!

The repeated scene ..the dialogue.. The craft.. The Gotham city in 1981...Arthur Fleck( Joaquin Phoenix)  most importantly.. Todd Phillip deserve a bow from a core audience for leaving it for open interpretation...

Repeatation is a word that signifies inclination...
Isn't it??

You repetadely hooked to a song a movie.. Some text from someone... You repeatedly order a food reflect your fondness...

I have repeatedly murmuring the dialogue... Recreating the scene and knocked down by its  relativity...

There are very few things in life that touches your soul..!!

Last night  a decade old friend of mine texted me an innocent question out of blue..

Are you happy  Akashi?? His concern made me emotional..infact teary!! ! Who doesn't want to be surrounded by "Emotionally competent" people??  The basis and basic of all valued relationship is concern and true concern...

and how ironically these words losing its ground...!!

Arthur..a. sensitive soul craving for attention. recognition.. love.. truth get bullied all the time one way or other.. The pile up emotional burden erupt in violence and it's started giving a kick... He became fearless.....

Fear have been a dominant  factor for many in today's world..
: The fear of being ridiculed
:Fear of being outcast
:Fear of losing status.. Etc etc compel many to bottle up frustration expressed in self denial.. escapism.. or self destruction... The more you bottle up and act fine to put up a happy face the more it make you miserable.. Better you seek a solid ear.. a solid expression.. you express through poems... Painting.. Words.. movies... you confied to a patient ear who understand and respect it.......

"All is here are negative thoughts.. You dnt listen to you??? Arthur...

Do anyone idolise a commoner or looser??  Nah!! And so the relativity of have and have-nots.. So is the frustration  of commoner vent out through.. Joker.. Everybody look up to hero!!

Yes.. Do you listen to your inner self??  Do you listen to those you call your own.. Everyone loves attention to is a mad rush in social media ..

:Pple post photos in love.. while pregnant.. While angry.. While jealous.. while frustrated..while buying new gadget...
:Peopleeven sheepishly  showing off their I phones.. Gadgets...


Yes.. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on.. few claps to rejoice  but....
Do we normally  notice a commoner??  Never.. We  worship Hero's.. We worship those who carve a place for themselves..
Do we imitate a looser??  Here lies the old theory of...
Have and have not.

The but is what"Joker" reflect.... The pursuit  of survival of the fittest actually cast a spell on the basics..... the root... the element of being humane...
We become loner!!!! We become the victim of misery!!!

Right now m sitting in my cosy balcony writing and overlooking the fogy unobstructive hills....dizzle and some ginger tea.. lovebirds  nestled in corner  sideby fillers of books"Digha Nikaya"One of the toughest of Buddhist discourse.. Knowing Buddha is knowing self and train self against all adversity and shallowness..

No matter how good you are.. No matter how good you do to others people normally get drawn  to darkness... dark people!!  People get drawn to manipulator  and clown...peiple mostly prefer to stay in comfort zones no matter how negative it is...

R we all not clown??
We are.. We pretend.. We hide.. We escape.. We hide our vulnaribility..sometimes!!

Let me explain..

Last year I was made to sit next to a man who was instrumental in my father's killing.. Did i shout??  Nahh!!  Good people show civility.. I ignored his presence  but I smelt blood there.... Even while running my regular show I had quietly left my zone knowing the evil perpetrator   of my father is the chief speaker next..

They are scote free. I can do nothing about it....

I developed calmness last three decades is the result of my own effort or pain and frustration could have finished me!!  Pretantion is a burden on self... Being away good is also a burden.. We do have negative thought!!!  knowing s identify root cause of negativity of others and of mine was core basics for me... I spent hours  ...years.. months of recluse... My refusal to rub shoulder with gang of wrong doers cost me work... But I remain unflinched... I Vll remain so....

Life of principled people are hard as they dnt chose  the route of manipulation and deceit.. I used to read people wrong!!I have learned from my innocence...

I am a recluse now!!  This is not escapism but somehow I detest mundane  things..I never ever designed a life of slavery...

Papa said... We all are born with the capacity to create greater things!!

He had great vision but got attention only
after his death...

I again murmur Arthur..

May "Be my death earn more cent than m alive""..It happened  with my family....!!!

Mango people work hard to get attention.. To attract a patient ear...

There's mad mad competition..

Here  people end life for silliest of silly reasons....
Here people ignore if you give importance
Here people chase you as longer as you remain a Mistry...
Here people dnt say thank you if you help
Here people throw mud outta jealousy
Here people harm each other.. Lynch..
Here ppl are so desperate that they sell their values.. lick feets..cheat ..cheat self.. Cheat others and March forward....
Here people read your generosity as weakness..
Here people get glued to cell phone dnt spare time for books...
Here people confuses love with lust!!

R you happy...?

M happy.. I tell my child to keep a positive mind... we talk... There's nothing on earth that we dnt talk... We argue too.. we talk from miles of distance like we talked never before.... We try understand....We value each other.. We think deep... We read books..

In 18years of family time my Papa never expressed his concern through words but I silently understand the number of books he gifted me on my Birthdays..

Now I understand him more!!! I am his voice!!
 The only thing I declutter is. "Swallow thought and those who bear swallow thought""

"We all are moons we all have a darker side"Said Mark Twain..

"Life on the Missisippi" is the book about Twain's autobiography  as a steamboatpilot before American Civil war was the first book papa gifted me on my first Birthday...

By the time I was 12 I have travelled the world through my books....I am so thankful I was born in that era!!

There was no internet.. There was library..

There was Radio and movie.. TV came later..

Our Granny had cars.. We didn't hv one..

Papa told me there are two kind of people..

:Those who create.. Think. do beautiful things
:Those who destroys beautiful things

:The middle ones are pendulum.. They change their stands  to their own advantage....


Papa rescued and trained me  to save myself from future  devastation by being my best friend.. A worthy one!!

Over the years I have changed my hairstyle... my outlook.. My habits a bit but I dnt change my thoughts.. my values.. my choices....
No-one  should stay like a moron.. Everyone deserve success.. every little child deserve respect....


All we accumulated life trait are what we are tought till we are seven  years old...Metal health becoming a cause of concern..

Oh.. Arthur how truamitic was your childhood!!

No one is as demonic as the clown as it appears!!!I have seen and met many harmful individual  but I never judged them knowing their vulnaribility and reading their history,  I either forgive or pity them!!!

Do you ever find a purpose of your life keeping aside the mundane things...

You need to.. Sooner you discover it happier you will be...it will humble you..it will simplify your path.. it will vibrate  fearlessness!!

I do.. I do read people..But I dnt let people to read me.... If anybody ever think reading post in Face Book... or liking pictures in instagram make you understand someone  ., You are purely and foolishly delusional.!!

How anybody would know me without reading a page of my book I write or without watching the craft I create...!!!
I am more than my eternal geography...
Like Arthur was more than a "Joker"

I read the reluctance of people who text me privately but dare not to come to the fore..(Many womenfolk complain this kinda breed is increasing)
They have some reservations about strong woman.. I am least bothered!!I tell my friends to ignore those who's reluctant to flaunt!!

I read friends and people who turn green when they see me happy..

I read friends who gives lip service while in trouble but never come to your aid

I read people who dnt have the minimum empathy of words when you say  you are depressed or unwell..!!

I also read people with gratitude who monitor you silently and spread their kindness.. I actually live for them!!
Love is the elixir!!!

I read.... I read minds..

I listen..selflessly..
I understand...

I spare my time for those who deserve it...who need it...whos benefited by it.

I do what I want...i dnt live a life of deceit and excuses!!!

Living and leading a life of absolute honesty is tough, I know but I dnt have a choice!!

This silence.. This space.. This serenity  this bonding with birds... Flowers.. is what keep me grounded..I fought many battle  to earn this....!!! I swallowed  poisonous words with humility to calm me!!

I hv nothing to lose and gain...I work hard.. I will keep doing so.

Joker is a rich Tribute to "Heath Leaser.... I remember he said...

Life is not a grossery shop.. You ask about material things.. You dnt ask...
R y happy???
If you crave acceptance and recognition and try to change yourself to fit what others want to be..


You will remain a clown or a prisoner of  manipulation... A prisoner of delusion.. Right??

And what about Arthur's father??  Wasnt his being adopted  leave a benefit of doubt??
The disparity of have and have-nots  are still persistent.. It will... So is the mad rush to grab power..

So the rush to oil political haves ...
Who cares about the weight of knowledge  of our leaders of intent.???


I wish I would meet Arthur IN real...    I wish I would hug him fondly and listen to his sad saga!!

I wish I would protect him from bully...
There are many Arthur's around us....

Here there and everywhere...

And we are just some molecule to fade away with time....

To understand mind is a herculean task...

But to learn to respect and care is a must


Till today shallowness never hold any tight grip on me...

Those meant to stay forever,, They will....

I gleefully follow words of Buddha

"Appo Dipo Bhavo...

Be your own light..

Throw light to those  only who need it...


My friends complain over the years...
I have become almost a recluse....

I said no...

I have become more liberated....I have liberated myself from hatred... frustration... depression and doubt it apprehensions...I m aware fearless and honest..

I have set myself free from prejudice.. fear. Pain and agony of separation...

M happy.... M happiest indeed....!!!
I discovered my purpose.... and the best thing about it is that I dnt want to exhibit it.....!!!!

The sky looks amazing... aftermath fullmoon...

I checked in my vision board...

Many countries  to travel..

I am yet to craft my best..

I am yet to write my best...

I have bathed in holy water of pain and experience...I am precious... We all are precious...

I will not let the child in me keep quite... Those who love me and care about me truly will flaunt me with pride and honour...In my absence they will protect my glory!!


Nothing can stop me from dancing in rain or taking a moonbath..... I will not stop loving and living...

We all should not stop loving and living...

We all are the creator of our own destiny..
I get inspired by Hero's like.. Stephen  Hawkins...

I follow him.... He asked everyone to be a little curious.. what an exemplary life he was leading despite all his drawback....

I am curious to understand the intricacies  of life and it's meaning....

I dnt hv any Fedora complex..

Neither.. age.. materialism.. bother me...

I know m a sponge... ...i will absorb  ....i Vll grow... I will have to grow right......I will keep seeking new....

I dnt have to escape IN delusion and dreams all the time....
I dnt have to stifle my voice for fear.....

Love will remain the elixir... Now and forever!!!




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