Mard in me... Aurat in me...

We used to have fights with nunchakus each hand...me and my brother! !while I was more of a Phantom  fan,  he was a total  ardent fan and follower of Bruce Lee !! Our gang of twelve comprised of both boys and girls and I was always the class captain and troup leader!! We all were Lilliput Robin Hood in our town. Each one of us were experts in all seasonal games. Kite flying.. Marble play. Express.. Tang guti..kutkut.. Ludu. Carom.. Football.. Volley.. Cricket. .Race.. Badminton. Gymnastic in  the Radio towers.. mini drama at home.. And by the time we entered home after school, it often got dark then the  must ritualistic  prayer and study table  .Holidays were for family outing or fast cycle race.Story telling sessions by our chwkidar kaka..comic books..  ignited our little wishes and dreams.

We were a bunch of inseparable vagabond with freedom to the maximum. We actually didn't know any gender discrimination. .Nobody made us feel any manly or womanly way!!No-one ever had prounced any gender dictum for us.

I was even never forced to learn cooking or cleaning or any girlie chors, instead i was pampered a bit more and was encouraged  to be more bookish , creative,expressive  for my all round excellence.We were never trained  to be slave!!We were never made to be apologetic for any right thing we did.. I still bow to my late parents for giving us such a rich eventful  childhood.

I dnt know whv first coined the word. "Manly".but m sure it was used to describe  something. Powerful. fearless. .display of rage.. Strong.. Etc..

This tomboyish attitude was not a conscious or method behavior but was a kind of natural expression of who we are. Even after I attained puberty  nobody stopped us to play outdoor or we never encountered any sexual perversions might be added positivity to that golden period of our childhood! !

The thought of marriage used to suffocate me. .It still does!! The tale of the aftermath mandatory changes ,the ordeal, the compromises a bride had been through with or without choice often gave me goosebumps! !

The idea of loss of  freedom of choices... asking permission.. Confinement.. Clashes.. Petty politics . saas  bahu in-laws  dramas ,total surrender ,manandatory adjustments  seemed ridiculous to me..It still does. .I kept on asking why no mandatory rule for the groom??

I was dreaming of love and to be loved or wished to have my soul mate .I even loved the fun part of a marriage or the sanity of the institution called marriages!! 

I never had to play a coy  demure dumbell at home as I was a rebel from childhood.
A late lazy riser. a bookworm.. an even tempered  human was  my identity.. Till we attended college  our gang used to get together in Festivels... dramas... functions.. and never ever behaved as if we were grown ups and destined to behave in a different  way! !

Few of us started falling in love.. quite natural!!  few embraced domesticity.. but I despite lots of ups and down in life refused to stop playing a tomboy.. I refused to change  for anyone!!I refused to surrender  my habits to please anyone!!

Motherhood oozed out the tender aurat in me but it couldn't burden me like a short tint  of marriage thought me responsibility . I rather enjoyed  every bit of it. I have started fulfilling my bucket lists.. Swimming.. Driving.. Car ralley... Performing  art.. study..modelling. .writing..  Started  learning a bit of cooking also. But once a vagabond always a vagabond..I refused to pretend what I am not! !

Car crisscross in a city road.. Pillion riding in either cousins bike or gang members didn't stop it's intensity...I still love it and I will keep loving it till eternity!!

Everything remained same but people's notion.

I noticed the man in me was misinterpreated..!! I started suffocating but remained unflinched. Who give a damn!!

The woman in me started encounter unholy.. Stupid  people whov  surfaced with a new term of. "being manly "..

I have learned my own way of being smart enough to say a smart no something a man need not learn as promiscuity in a man never judged by society !Even few women  worship Hero's who are compulsive womanisers !!!Flirts are the real mad... They believe!! I refused to change my belief in being one man woman or one woman man!! Old school of thought  though!!

It often raises my eyebrows when I notice men knock knock  at the door of free spirited  women with a preconceived notion and unholy agenda!!

How come all logic of feminity should begin and end with sexist  thought!!How come a successful  woman  many a time be judged wrong!! 

How come anybody come into some sort of pervert conclusion that a woman  who travel.. who explore.. who's her own mind is someone slutty by nature!! It will take few more decades for the entire folks to learn to respect a woman as an independent  entity!! !

I fail to understand the disperity of definitions..Many women used to write to me asking why.. .Why...

A fun loving man is a dude.
A fun loving girl is a bimbette..

A flirt is a real man.
And a woman is a slut.

What is this fuss about being manly or being womanly...! !Why cnt we begin and end with a humane note

It's tough to digest why few scatterbrain mix and match work with lustful intention while dealing with a woman.. Why this#metoo has to come to the surface?? Why a woman is not left with dignity at workplaces! ???  It's tougher to bring those scatterbrain s to the line of decency..but not impossible!!


The woman in me  tought me to be patient and calm in disgraced situations.. to be loveable with those who deserve it.  while the man in me guard me to be as fearless and independent as ever...!!


Except for my father I was never supported by a man in any sense of term to earn a liveliy hood  ! He was the one I seek permission before I take a decision.. If my education  dnt avail me the freedom to move freely.. Think freely.. Take a decision  freely where is the need of this ornament...???

I see many of my breed whv honestly fancy the idea of being my own woman!!!

Decade after decade there's a chains of harculian task  women doing with elan. .

Driving.. Shopping.. Cleaning . Mothering... Cooking...balancing work and home. .

In villages.. In towns.. In cities... I encountered women more manly than any man.. Then why lead your life with an apology.. why hide your glass of drink you want  to sip after a tiring day??why carry fear to be tagged as bimbeete??? Why lose your innocence of having fun??   Why excuse  yourself with a guilty feelings when you had to lose a preference  for not rubbing shoulder with perverts..

Put love and emotions in a corner as it has no gender .

My friends call me wired when I seldom express  ..that I actually needed a SAHD.. Stay at home dad.. who would  wake me up late with a cuppa tea and greet me with a pampered  breakfast!!

All this myth of Manly and womanly need to diminish to nothingness...

All this stupidity of   discrimination  needs to fade away with time.....


All I was  taught by my Papa  to think and act like a warrior...

I still do!!

The man in me is always  intact  like the woman in me!!! I am no lesser human!!!