Daar aur Dard...Light at the end of the tunnel... A Phoenix tale..

    Got glued to the most talked about episodes of"Delhi Crimes"in Netflix .A revisit to the" Nirbhaya " horror infested the most talked about "Daar and Dard"within each one of us!! How on earth humane could stoop down to do demonic!! How on earth we have to live  in limbo in  the midst of   extremes of misery and hope both.??Why the good soul normally face the trial of  pain and ugly one escalate with victory! !
 
      Yes. One tale of tragedy might drag us to down memory lane of tragedies we few encountered earlier!! Human mind react and recall fast.  Suffering and pain  has no gender. One who suffer could actually reflect the pain of the other in the most intricate way..  Or one who's way compassionate can only  fight for the victims is a fact.

       Yes.. with a numbness in my chest after watching.. "#Delhi Crimes. "I had gone back to my past. I usually  keep it caged in my zone of memories only,wheneevr I wished I could unwrap  it!! The void.. The helplessness.. The anguish.. The pain.. That were looming  large as more than a hollow nightmare!!  A silent, dark, stammering voice of both pain and fear crippled my existence and almost throttled all my faith, hope, dreams and wisdom!! Every night my eyelid carried the recurrence slow move of the blooddripped body of my Journalist father,, the man I loved more than myself!! The man, I consider as only frend in  my life. A river of teardrops spoon fed me days and nights.. I was in my twenties  then! !No one around me turned to cajole me to slumber of peace!! Not even the man I was married to! ! I expertise the art of hiding my pain! ! I was seeking no pity!! I was doomed, depressed, lonely soul waiting for any excuse to leave the world... I couldn't!! I was the mother of a newborn and I knew I had to live to lullaby her the sweetest song of peace to show her the right way to coexist with evils surrounds us! I knew I had to protect her fiercely from all the evils and show her the right path to achieve glory and develop compassion to humankind. !I knew no effort of mine would make my Papa bring back but I knew I have to fight for justice till it is achieved..Maa left her battle in a halfway and breathed her last in an accident.!!  Her blooddipped body in the morgue and calm cold face still haunt me!! Getting back to normacy  is never easy for an introvert!!

   And finally I had taken a resolve to rise from my ashes to tell the world a "Phoenix tale".I tried hard tried long to channelise my inner dimension...I looked up and leaned on all wrong pillars!! And yes finally i freed myself from all expectation and resolved to work on myself.

 From negativity  to the wind of positivity..
From agony to transit to growth and peace,I steadily and slowly won over my deep rooted fear and pain.. . .

It was not easy! !But fate is a cruel and efficient  tutor! !I have decided to address my own demon first. I have started reaching out to people of my breed... Silently but strongly I challenged myself  to reach out to the bright light at the end of the tunnel to end my vulnerability  and glide it as tool of enlightenment to myself and and many.

Is there any yardstick exist to measure pain and suffering or fear within?? Or is it possible  to compare my pain with yours with content,  quality, duration and post trauma effect??
I clinged to my tools.. The pen and the camera.

My documentary.. "Aftermath Terrorism " "Hinsar Dabanolot.". took me with my crew "to the doors of all the victims. ..to .the families of gruesome Dhemaji blast.. The tears and silence of the parents whov lost their little ones.. The grief stricken  members of Ganeshguri blast and their struggle of survival and so many. ...

My revolutionary reality show in  TV a prime time for nine years offered helping hands to so  many that add up my inner satisfaction. What is our life for if we dnt even embrace another grief stricken soul?

The circus of perpetrators and their ascendant to power.. glory.. wealth.. their lack of any resentment  ignited my fury!!

  I revisited the same amount of agony after the ghastly lynching  of#Nilotpal Abhijit..

   My visit and study as Rotary International  peace scholar at Chulalongcorn University  .Thailand. in2016..field visits to Cambodia.. Deep South.. Killing fields.. ECC. have made me realise how small and tiny is my pain in comparison to theirs..I exchanged my thought with families in Cambodia whov lost all members in the fury of "Pol Pot" the Dictator.  and remained a lone survivor!! I could smell  "Neo Nazi's "in Germany  during my months stay in Europe .I saw peoples protest against them too.

I dnt believe any dogma or principle that define a mindset!! West, East, South, North we all have different cultures.. different  habits.different life style. but at the end of the day we all are souls longing for peace, security, and love!!We all are similar.   I connect perfectly like my family to Monica who stays in USA and was my fellow peace scholar.. We chatted over video on plants. sunshine's.. everything. Rani Rania from Palestine never fail to update her personal lifewith me very often.. Brazilian Barbiee exchanges her kindness very often, Even Raymond a Canadian guy work in Cambodia, my another Peace fellow shocks me with funny detailing of anything interesting. The world is always like a global village to me!!

    The world is fulled of obnoxious  people too and ironically over a period  of time they grasp the centre stage  of power popularity and supremacy!!!

I watched "Lady Gaga" clutching her  "Oscar" and describing her period  of challenges. .I was shocked to read king of music"Chester  Bannington"took his own life amidst chaos  of his childhood assault!! He inspired to many by his music but couldn't help himself is such a tragedy!! My eyes became moist with Madonnas speech in Grammy and her undertoned grief of her past!!

  A voracious reader,  beneath my contour  of an actress,  I manoeuvred  the pages of many Biography! !Maya Angelou.. Oprah  Winfrey!! !
 I flipped the pages of"Gita".

:Tattvavittu Maharshi....
:O mighty armed one....

I prayed and chanted.. Nam. Myoho. Range. Kyo.. The mystic law of "Daishonins  Buddhism.."
I read.. Dozens  of Osho, Paulo Coelho, Rhonda Bryan's, Deepak Sharma ,

I spent my few leisure  times learning Reiki ,PranicHealing, meditating the ways  of Iskcon, Prajapita Brahmakumario,..Theres no end to learning. We know so little!!

And  had finally a spiritual awakening  through.. "Vipassana ". The escapade of ten days from the madding  crowd to serenity to meditate 14hours a day for ten days at a stretch stands as a life changing experience  for me.  It enabled  me to understand the science of life and the art of inner engineering.I have even started to bless my enemies every one hours of meditation everyday!!  I  have calmed down finally!!

   We. , In some point of time are all engineers!! Is not it??  We try fix and mend the defects..
At home.
In family. .
In workplace. .
In a system..

We have to connect our dots of struggle  to create  it's own meaning.

No-one dies of misery unless you let it overpower  you!!

I am a boisterous writer, a tempartmental artist, a peace worker. With growing work, duty and a staff  to handle as freelancer in the cut throat world of competition ,reaching out to all grief stricken soul at a regular basis  is beyond my capacity! !

I have so little time and so much to do to reach out to people,  I have so many corners of the world  to travel,  I have so many sports in my bucket list to try,so many books to read... So many films to watch and plan to make! !

But  my intentions are as black and white  as myself. You dnt find me chasing glory!!  You dnt spot me doing petty gossips,  you dnt find me harming or hurting even an insect!!
 
I wish to delve deep in everyheart through my craft...I try to cultivate Peace through
My words.
My films..
My poems..
My blog...
My lectures..

I offered the"Olive Branch" to my soul and to those who need me and who actually  deserve  my time!!!
I hate none..I do no harm..
I forgive but dnt forget. .

   The world for me now is fulled of "Nocturnal kid turns Romeos in late nights and lazy scaterbrains in the day! !

I am a woman!! If I dnt teach myself the skill of caution,  I sure will fall prey to many preassumption,many unholy plot .many deceat.
I dnt need to be fearful but a little  cautious!!

I no more can earn any misery!!I have been through enough of it!!I have seen enough of bloodshed  of my own!  I lost them all to destiny!!

I am a humane and can't be immune to sentiments and humane emotions too.
The frugality is not to jump into unknown  water without knowing the depth, without the skill of swimming and a life jacket!!

Every life is precious!
Every human is unique  in their own way!
Every heart long for a patient listener and an endearing partner for life!!

People see success only, few see  the hard work behind it..
People see a body forget there is mind and soul in it.
People see justice but only few see  the time wasted and struggle  behind this..
People read a book,  few see  the effort behind it.
People see smiles but few could find the tears beneath it..
People see death and destruction,  but few are the essence of life. Peace and stability and working towards it!!

Isn't life gives us choices  to choose  the right people in our life and forsake those who no longer give us hope and growth!!

Isn't beautiful minds make movies like. .August Rush.. Notebook.. Titanic.. Calender girls or life is Beautiful..The reader... Pink... and so many... ?

Isn'tit amazing while we see a much compassionate  director like abinabh spared his all effort last six years to make a series on Nirbhaya when rest of us bottled up our resentment in silence??

Isn't it beautiful when we see  sportpersons  pledge for peace and cycle across.  the globe. Climb a mountain.. Organize a car ralley without much fanfare! !!!
Isn't it soothing to  the ear to beautiful music made by beautiful people!!!

Isn't it that we feel blessed  when someone close to us spare their time to say hello and how are you  regularly and say they are happy to know that I am good!! All precious things and emotions doesn't cost you a penny.

Is not it that we'd see hope and true love in Jennifer Lopez hugs her man Arod and found out completeness in her  fifth relation after so many unsuccessful  marriages!!

Is not that we respect Susmita sen for being the mom of two by choice without a father by adoption at  her twenties and had to wait till her forties to find the perfect match..!!

Dragged from the jaws of death,  the motivational speech of Arundhati Singha her achiement of scaling the highest mountains with prostated legs challages our timidity  to challenge ourselves...


We worry much.. We don't find time to say a sweet how are you to those who deserve it but get glued to endless social net working sites...


Yes... The world keeps a balance for those whov silently  spending each minute to save us from diseases.. agony and uncertainty!!!!!!


Nobody will live for eternity!! But the little time we have in our hands must be meant for people who need enough love and care!!

All we need is the wish to resonate our reflect on.. All we have to ignite is our longing for for a better world! !!
Nobody saves us from misery unless we save ourselves...

And so.....


Like a skylark in the hight of altitude,  I pray everyone catch their own musing and chase what make them happy..

I see Buddha in me.. In every children I passed bye,I see Buddha in people who appreciate the finer things in life! ! . I still  have an intense dialogue  with my Papa,  I still smell his tender hug his endless pampering. . I know no fear no pain can now ruffle me..

I never stop growing  and living.. with every sticking lyrics or a song that sooth my soul... I never stop dwelling in dreaming a Phantom of a Jason Momma ! Where is the harm in appreciation!! Many of us forget too often to appreciate  other!!  Do I have to stop drench in the first shower in the spring??  No, !
Never I stop being funny to my friend S and stop inking my beloved  all over  my brown beautiful skin!!

I never stop being crazy for myself,  it harm nobody!! yes I will keep the child in me intact and I urge you all never let the child in you grow. .I never stop being responsible and foolishly compassionate!!I never stop listening  to those who care their heart and seek an advice. Sharing is caring!! We express to share only.

Get angry. but let not it destroy you.
Be egoistic. But let not it ruin you..
Love yourself but have compassion for others too.
Dnt lead a life in Daar and Dard..

Face it like a warrior when you dnt have an escape route, with head held high!!
Dwell in fancy dreams to paint your inner rainbow! !
Explore. .
Discover..
Respect
Love..

Nothing comes easy.
Nothing should be earned easily.
Chase a sky..
Chase a laughter..
Chase a mountain



You definitely  will be a Skylark. ..

Singing above all miseries!! !